I struggled to write about this subject because I felt inadequate and unworthy even as a married woman to give advice on this matter.
But then I remembered how in our previous post on spiritual health (Spiritual Health: What Holds Everything Together), we learned that God is the only one who holds it all together, never us, and He provides wisdom for everything that we need.
Knowing that it’s Him who instituted the union of a husband and a wife, the best step is to go back to how He designed marriage and for what purpose He created it. If we are anchored on His truths, we are less likely to go astray.
God’s design in marriage
It’s a sad reality to witness how, over time, this sacred merging of two souls has been denigrated to a mere legal contract that may be abandoned when circumstances call for it, or worse, even when a party or both agree to rescind the agreement for whatever reason.
Gone are the days when two people think and pray long and hard before they get into marriage because they know that there is no turning back. In fact, getting out of the covenant is never an option.
Hopeless as it may seem, as we look at what the world sees as “normal and acceptable” nowadays, we find anchor and comfort in what God says in His Word. In the sea of uncertainties and swaying principles, we can stand firm in the unchanging and eternal truths of the Bible.
What is God’s purpose in marriage?
To better understand how flawed our thinking can potentially become when we conform to the patterns of this world and compared to the light of God’s Word, let’s talk about how we see marriage as opposed to what is explicitly taught in the Bible.
The Why
If we’re completely honest with ourselves, we will readily admit that we want to marry because we long to be happy. No one will surely get into something so final expecting to be miserable. There’s nothing inherently wrong with desiring married bliss and building a family that will fulfill us in every possible way.
However, if we look around, most of us who enter into this union bring our imperfections into the relationship. As a result, we are bound to hurt each other even in the most inconceivable manner, no matter how hard we try and even with the best intentions.
This truth is inescapable because we are all sinful people in need of God’s forgiveness and grace and unless we are made aware of this and accept this as our reality, we will remain disillusioned as we live out our married life.
The key is to look at marriage as something that God designed for our sanctification. Instead of going into it to be happy, we step into this life with another person whom God prepared for us to be with as long as we live, knowing that God meant for both of you to be changed for the better in the relationship.
Who better to be used by the Lord to transform you towards Christlikeness than the person who can see you at your worst, day after day, and is deciding, maybe even against better but worldly judgment, to walk alongside you in the process?
More than anything, it’s our character development that God genuinely cares about than our happiness in this world as a married person. The sooner we accept the real “why” in getting into marriage, the better we can be as a spouse.
The How
Across generations and various cultures, how two people enter into marriage may vary. There are arranged ones while there are those that they call a love union.
In the Old Testament, God commanded His people to marry within the family to preserve the sanctity and purity of the Israelites, His statutes undiluted and uncorrupted by the false gods and idols of the surrounding nations.
During this time, there were marriages decided upon by parents like with Isaac and Rebekah but others that were born out of love and hard work like Jacob with Rachel. The important thing to note is their obedience to what the Lord clearly ordered.
Today, you can get married however you wish without thought to God’s way or timing. The problem is, when He is taken out of the picture, it’s akin to getting into something without consulting the manual from the manufacturer or creator.
You increase the chances of getting into problems you simply cannot solve without going back to the intended purpose and design of the Maker of marriage and Creator of everything else.
The best thing to do from the get-go is to inquire upon the Lord, ask Him to direct your steps and establish your plans, then align your decision with His purpose.
The When
As earlier stated, it’s God who created marriage for His people. If He meant for you to be united with another person for this reason, He has a way and perfect timing for it in your life.
Some people know in their hearts that God created them to build a family someday but then “grabbing” the will of God by failing to wait upon Him. We must remember that God’s will is through His way and timetable.
Others simply won’t wait and thereby get into all sorts of issues and challenges, manipulating situations and individuals to achieve what they feel is God’s gift to them. Remember, it is not His blessing if you have to sin to get it.
God will never contradict His Word and because He is a God of order and not of chaos, everything falls into place when we obey Him completely.
Obeying God’s purpose for your life when it comes to marriage must be according to His design, method, and schedule.
Final words
My married life isn’t problem-free. No one’s marriage is. It’s part and parcel of our journey here in this fallen world – to face troubles of many kinds, and our marriages are not exempt from it.
However, if we seek the Lord’s guidance and instruction in every decision, we will come as close as we can to how He intended marriage to be for us called to be in this sacred relationship.
For those who are contemplating, it’s the perfect time to inquire upon Him and lift your desire and plans to the Lord so He can establish your steps.
If you’re already in a marriage facing difficulties and you feel that it’s too late, do not lose heart. Our God is most willing and able to redeem what you’ve lost and you can start anew with Him. Your marriage will not be storm-free, but it will be storm-proof, by God’s power and equipping.
Ultimately, everything boils down to obedience to His will and purpose. If we line up with what He says in His Word, we will reap the benefits and rewards He graciously gives to married people.
The Fit Stewards 