If there’s one thing that I’ve been asked countless times as a homeschooling family, it’s the “What about socialization?” question. I totally understand why this is so because many years ago, seated on a chair in a home schooling orientation, that same concern was also burning inside my heart.
Despite the desire to pursue this path for our family, this issue was holding me back. However, I figured that if this is where God wants us, I had to open my heart and my mind to the possibility that I may be reading things wrong. There may be another side to this that I need to open myself to.
Sometimes, all it takes is for us to empty ourselves of preconceived notions, prejudices, and misconceptions, to see the light. We must think outside of the box and welcome new schools of thought. A paradigm shift must be allowed. So, that’s what I did.
As you read on, I pray that you will benefit as much as I did from the many things that I have realized about socialization, not only as a homeschooling parent, but also as a person.
What is socialization?
In our previous blog post on relationships (Why Relationships Matter), we talked about our inherent need to be connected to other people as relational beings. From our own families, then moving out of the house to gain school friends, workmates thereafter, and so on. Our circle of influence then increasingly grows as we move along various life stages.
I learned from sitting in that orientation that socialization has more to do with social development than anything else. A person is said to be a socially developed individual if he or she can rightfully relate with people from all walks of life and in various situations.
If you know how to communicate or be around different individuals, exhibiting “appropriate” behavior even when others don’t, then you have learned how to socialize. To know more about it, let’s peel off like an onion, the views that may be popular but rather inaccurate about socialization.
Socialization is simply being around other people
If you put, say, your child with a group of same-age children, it does not automatically constitute what you may call “socializing” with them, and their interpersonal skills are not instantly or even optimally engaged.
Yes, you have to be in the company of others to learn how to mingle with them but that’s only at the surface. True socialization happens when a person is able to effectively evaluate a social situation and respond rightly to it.
This scenario only happens when a child is trained to be in various circumstances and acquires the necessary skills to adapt to varying conditions. The more important concern then must be on who does the training more than on where it happens and if the trainee is introduced to as many life situations as possible.
Socialization only happens outside of the home
When you think about socializing, images of people going outside, and meeting others immediately comes to mind. There is nothing wrong with this thinking, but it does limit the place of socialization beyond the four corners of your home, close to saying that there is none inside.
The truth is, the home, where your family is, is the first place, if not the best, to train a person on the most fundamental skills in relating to other people. In fact, it is only in the company of your own flesh and blood will you ideally be able to feel the unconditional love and security you will need to grow into the person you are created to be.
As opposed to peers or any social groups outside of the home, you will feel most safe in the comforts of your own home, where you can be who you are, unafraid to make mistakes, less wary to be misinterpreted or judged, because you know the people in your life have seen you at your worst and still choose to love and accept you.
Socialization takes place only around same-age people
Yes, socializing will most often involve being around people who are in the same age-range as you are, considering that you have the most shared interests, hobbies, preferences, etc. Homogenous groups like stay at home moms, golf buddies, book clubs, and the like, will surely be mutually beneficial given that there is a lot to talk about and things that you can do together.
However, real life is a far cry from this situation. In our journey, we meet and interact with all kinds of people from different backgrounds, ages, gender, beliefs, and whatnot and we cannot really fully simulate this in classrooms or any shared interest group for that matter.
The only way to truly be socialized in the real world is to be in it and not be confined in any “room,” physical or otherwise, inside the home or outside, day in and day out, or maybe for the majority of our waking hours.
Socialization is the responsibility of others, not your family
This belief has been long held by many people resulting in parents letting go of their responsibilities in training up their family members with regard to social development. In fact, when we speak of socialization, we don’t think it’s up to us to do it with our children, do we? We will most often feel that we have to bring them somewhere, and introduce them to other people apart from us, for it to happen.
However, there are those who advocate that socialization must be prioritized within the family before anything else. Our children should be socially developed in the confines of our own homes, prior to going outside and mingling with other people.
As a homeschooling family
Our family is obviously part of the latter group. As homeschoolers, we have taken it upon ourselves to make sure that each of us is closest to God first and foremost, to each other as members of a divine-instituted unit, and then all others come as a distant second. As a result, we spend most of our time with each other rather than with anyone else.
Socialization is important to us, but it must happen in the context of family first. I guess you can call it prioritized socializing given that we ensure that the 8-10 hours of wakefulness that we have each day are spent on things that matter in light of God’s design.
Being around other people and introducing our children to others they can interact with is not restricted to those of their same age or even interests but to everybody they meet in our day to day existence.
Our life as a homeschooling family does not consist, though, of endless activities and field trips but we just make sure we allocate time to intermingle with people from all walks of life in our journey. A huge chunk of our daily routine still involves being around each other and creating precious memories in the process. The world is our classroom, as most home schoolers will say, but our magic moments most often happen at home.
Wrapping up
I guess you can say that being a homeschooling family expanded and deepened my view of what socialization truly means. This post is not meant to encourage everyone else to consider homeschooling because I believe it’s a decision, like everything else in our lives, that you have to be called into, otherwise it’s going to be a difficult path for you.
The intention is to provide answers to those who are concerned about the seeming lack of socialization opportunities for us who have been brought by the Lord to this world of home education.
Home schooling is no different than going to a conventional school, the only distinction being that your parents are your primary teachers. The chances to go out to see the world is just as much, if not more, compared to others.
So, there you go, Fit Stewards. Here’s hoping that this post has shed some light to those wondering if home schoolers will grow up to be socially awkward individuals. I must admit, my own children have their own share of challenges when it comes to social interactions.
However, I don’t believe it has anything to do with us being homeschoolers and more to do with their unique personalities and our upbringing as parents. After all, socialization can happen anytime, anywhere but it’s up to us, the God-appointed agents in their lives, to train them up in the knowledge and admonition of the Lord.
Word Reference
Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV)
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Luke 2:52 (NIV)
“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.”
The Fit Stewards 