I was hesitant to use the word “rod” in the title of this post, because most of us don’t respond amicably to it. But then again, I realized how God changed my heart about it many years ago and that’s exactly what I long to convey as I write.
This topic has been the subject of many controversies and debates and my objective is not to address any of them or push for a particular stand but merely to share what God has spoken to me about over the years as a parent. At times, it is the “elephant in the room” and no one dares to speak their mind for fear of being scorned or judged.
However, I’d like to believe that the subject of discipline is something that we can openly talk about if only to show how important it is to us, not just as parents but as individuals. Discipline is not only a part of child-rearing, but also an aspect of how we carry ourselves, or live out our deeply-held values.
So, let’s get to know this thing called discipline.
What is Discipline?
According to Wikipedia, discipline is an action or inaction that aims to regulate to meet a specific system of governance. Whenever you exercise control over yourself or someone with a specific and targeted goal in mind, you are aiming for a disciplined outcome.
As parents, we are the agents of discipline not only for ourselves but for the little people God put in our lives to be raised up, in His knowledge and admonition. The problem is, some of us don’t take our jobs very seriously or have opted to delegate it to somebody else.
Why is this a concern? As the primary accountable people to God for how our children turn out, it’s quite important that we see discipline as a priority. How do we do this? I think it’s vital to know for what purpose God created it so we can find the right motivations to bring focus to it in our lives.
The Purpose of Discipline
As mentioned in the Wikipedia definition, discipline is behaviour regulation with the objective of living up to a particular standard of governance. For us Christians, it goes without saying that the Bible is our ultimate guide for discipline and all else. It is THE benchmark by which we measure everything against.
What, then, is the purpose for discipline as taught in the Bible? I can only write about the ones that I have personally learned from the Lord in my journey. Hence, this list is not exhaustive.
It’s the work of a shepherd
I once read in a book that a shepherd’s job is quite like how Jesus is to us, His children. A shepherd has a staff and a rod to keep his flock in check. He also knows how many of them are in his care and makes sure that every single one of them is accounted for every day. In fact, if he has a hundred sheep, and one gets lost, he will leave the 99 to search for the one missing.
Now, sheep are not known to be an intelligent species, and they have the natural tendency to wander away from the herd and get into all sorts of trouble. It’s the responsibility, then, of the shepherd to use his staff to hook them back to safety, lest a fox might hurt them to the point of death.
There are times, however, when a sheep is pretty stubborn, always choosing to be in harm’s way, that the shepherd has no choice but to disable it somehow with the rod and stop it in its tracks. The animal is hurt, and the shepherd carries it over the shoulder and keeps it close as he nurses it back to health.
The great thing about this scenario is how much the sheep becomes intimately close to the shepherd while being healed under his loving care and protection. The same is quite true about discipline in our lives as God’s children. He intervenes to take us away from perilous paths, even if we get hurt in the process, if only to save us and bring us closer to Him.
It’s giving a dose of reality
The truth is everything we do here on earth has consequences. If we make mistakes, then we must deal with the likely results. As adults, we know this for a fact, and we make decisions to ensure that we minimize the unfavourable outcome of choices we make in haste.
For our children, they are fearless when they are born because of the lack of awareness of this reality. As they grow old, they gradually learn that their actions carry aftereffects. But while they are in our custody, it’s our role to teach them this truth by allowing them to face the sad and sometimes painful results of their wrong actions.
As parents, we sometimes want to protect them from such, but we must realize that doing so will show them a world that is far from what it truly is. We help discipline them, then, when we give them a good dose of reality.
It’s delayed gratification
As much as we want to enjoy the fruit of our toil here on earth, there are times when we have to wait a while before things turn towards our favour. Life does not always go the way we want it to, and most often does not follow our expected timeline.
Part of discipline, for ourselves and our children, is learning to wait. I believe that it’s never too early to teach our kids how to patiently and cautiously expect by trying a bit of delayed gratification.
It’s a strengthening of resolve
Discipline is also related to perseverance. When we encounter challenges in life, as long as we are set on our objectives, we will always find the motivation to keep going and reach our goals. A little bump on the road is no excuse to throw in the towel and quit.
The grit needed to keep pushing is a precious thing to pass on to our children by disciplining them to strengthen their resolve when the going gets tough. But when we keep working things out for them, they will have difficulty developing this tenacity for themselves.
What Discipline is NOT
I believe most of the animosity surrounding the subject of discipline comes from the likely misunderstanding of what it truly means.
A mere physical (or other forms of) punishment
Discipline does not simply translate to physically hurting your child, even for a seemingly noble objective like “teaching” them right from wrong. Yes, there are times when “spanking” will work best but it depends on a myriad of factors that only a parent keenly listening to the direction of God will be able to discern.
The decision to enact a physical disciplinary action will vary from parent to parent and will be difficult to question. It all boils down to what the Lord has explicitly told you to do because you are the one directly accountable to God for your children. Rarely will it be necessary to impose such to another individual because it’s completely between you and the Lord.
A senseless deprivation
In the same way, delayed gratification or giving our kids a dose of reality may be misinterpreted to mean that we deprive them of the things they need or even want without careful thought and prayer.
More than anything, we must guard our hearts for the reasons behind depriving our kids of some things in order to teach them a lesson. Also, they must fully understand why there is a need for such. Otherwise, they may develop a hardened heart against you and altogether miss the message you’re trying to teach.
An outlet for emotions
Most importantly, disciplining ourselves and others shouldn’t be a result of our lack of control over our emotions. Especially for physical discipline, it’s dangerous to be spanking your children out of anger. It must ALWAYS be out of obedience to the Lord and His explicit Word to you.
Those who are advocating against physical discipline may be coming from this perspective and I completely understand why they have such a stand. The rod of discipline does not always pertain to the physical aspect but when it does, there are simply too many things that can go wrong by a mere misinterpretation. An Anchor as unchanging as the Bible then becomes extremely important to put things in perspective.
The Rod of Discipline
In Hebrews 12:11 it says that “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Everything that we do, considering God’s leading, to train up our children in the way they should go will be fruitful. Nothing is ever wasted in God’s economy. Pain is part of the BIG picture.
I personally have disciplined my children in their early years, in different ways, according to the direction of God. I made mistakes here and there, but God has always corrected and re-directed me just the same and filled in the gaps in my parenting.
I can say that disciplining my children hurt me as much as it hurt them but because I knew I was doing it in obedience to what the Lord told me to do and that my children will reap the most benefit from it when they grow up, I have stood firm, by God’s amazing grace.
I took comfort in the Word of God in Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your ROD and your STAFF, they comfort me.” When our children go out into the world, dark as it is, especially today, if they have been established at home through thoughtful discipline, brought up in an environment where Scriptures are planted in their hearts and lived out, then they are strengthened and ready to face the music.
Wrapping up
I once read in a book that if we do not set the perfect statutes of God as the only standard in our homes, then we rob our children of the need for Jesus. My children have long grumbled against the challenge of living up to the commands of God, starting with, “Obey your parents in the Lord for this is right,” and I can’t blame them because I was that way, too, as a child.
It helps to share with them that it’s just as difficult for us, too, even now as adults to be disciplined, because it’s our nature to disobey and we are all inherently sinful. But the good news is, God disciplines those whom He loves. If not for His transforming work in us, we wouldn’t have grown to be better individuals, though still far from His perfect design.
And so, discipline is something quite important to our family and I believe for all of us, too, for the reasons God has set in His Word. It’s something that we need, to be restored back to how God intended us to be from the very beginning.
As He said in His Word in Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.” As children of God, discipline is not only part of our lives, but something that should not come as any form of surprise.
The Fit Stewards 