If you’re a Christian or maybe you have been reading your Bible, you may have already known that Proverbs 31 is the final chapter of the book of Proverbs. Aside from this, the passage is also popular because of what it talks about, and that is the Proverbs 31 woman.
Its first nine chapters focus on the advice King Lemuel received from his mother, which is very sound and helpful. But the remaining verses are more well-known, especially to women and wives, because they speak of “the” virtuous woman.
Every Christian woman who comes across these verses is most likely encouraged, albeit in varying degrees, to become the so-called “Proverbs 31 woman/wife.” So, let’s talk about it in greater detail.
The Proverbs 31 Woman
Now, if you have no idea what I am talking about here, you better grab your Bible and read Proverbs 31:10-31 with me. It is from these verses where I am going to derive what it means to be a woman of virtue. Stay with me and who knows, you might even find more characteristics than I would ever be able to. So, go ahead and flip the pages and see if you can add more to the list below:
- She is trustworthy
- She does good, and no evil
- She is diligent
- She takes care of her family well, feeds them, on top of all activities
- She is not lazy or idle
- She wakes up early
- She knows how to save and invest
- She knows how to manage and maximize wealth
- She is strong and healthy
- She stays up late doing important things
- She is merciful and generous to the needy
- She protects her family, always ready should calamities strike
- She takes care of herself, dresses well
- She works or does business using her skills and talents
- She is strong, dignified, joyful, full of hope, full of wisdom, and kind
- She is appreciated by her children
- She is appreciated by her husband
- Her husband is respected in the community
- She excels above others
- She fears the Lord
Going through the list can be overwhelming, and some might even just throw in the towel after getting wind of the first few items. However, our attitude towards this record should not be of one who feels overly pressured, but we can treat it as a guide on which areas we can improve on.
God will most definitely not take it against us if we don’t become all that this woman is. He knows it is not always possible, and we won’t ever do it perfectly and consistently, yet He still loves us. It is just there to help us be reminded not to remain where we are but to truly see where else we can make progress.
The Proverbs 31 Man
As I reflected on this part of the Bible, I realized that though it talks specifically about a woman, I can’t help but think about the kind of man who will be able to cause a wife to flourish this way.
As a woman, God knows that we need to be nurtured for us to shine and that is why He explicitly instructs husbands to love their wives. Thus, I believe that within these verses lie the answer to this concern. More than just the Proverbs 31 woman, there must also be a Proverbs 31 man.
But what does a Proverbs 31 man or husband look like? How do we characterize him? How does he help in developing a virtuous woman?
Here are some ideas I gleaned on the very same verses we just examined.
He has confidence on the wife
Men are tasked to be the head of the family. God commands the wives to submit to their husband because he is the leader, by God’s design. The Proverbs 31 man knows this, yet he does not look down on his wife. He treats her as his co-equal, his helpmate, and shows this by having confidence in her. He does not micromanage, he allows his wife to make decisions, and trusts her to do the right thing.
He is a good provider
He works hard to bring food on the table, amongst other things, so that his household is well nourished and clothed, having the most basic of needs and more, met. He may even be able to afford helpers, if need be, so that his wife will not be overly burdened by household chores.
He allows her to make big decisions/considers her a confidante
She is free to make decisions, big or small, even in their finances. She respectfully consults her husband, but she is given freehand on how to invest or save. He does not hinder her from making such choices, but provides guidance and direction as needed, which helps her become confident in her decisions, having the full support of her husband.
He is generous
He is generous towards his own family and even to people outside. He allows her to give to others and maybe in certain circumstances, without the need to ask for permission, or even if she needs to, she knows that his heart is one with hers. He does not question her about such things because he knows that she is following her heart as urged by the Holy Spirit, and that this is also a blessing to their family.
He pampers her
He knows that she needs to take care of herself first because she represents the Lord and their family, so he looks after her welfare, even her happiness, comfort, and self-care. He ensures that she still feels and looks beautiful and healthy, even with all the things that she has on her plate every single day.
He is a man of integrity
He is responsible and is respected inside and outside the home, which only shows that he is a good man with an admirable character. He is consistent inside and outside the home. Everyone has great respect for him because he does not get involved in things that would cause people to feel and act otherwise.
He makes her happy
He does not set expectations only to fail them. He sees to it that his wife is hopeful and joyful. He does not intentionally cause her unnecessary pains and troubles. He makes her feel secure. Thus, she can always look at the future with promise and heart-warming anticipation.
He praises his wife
Husbands are typically men of few words, but a Proverbs 31 man knows how and when to compliment his wife. He knows that she needs to hear his love and affirmation constantly. He is her number one fan in the whole wide world, the only person who can make her feel treasured, deeply loved and appreciated, which causes her to thrive and flourish even more.
He fears the Lord
More than all the other attributes combined, this one should matter the most. The Proverbs 31 husband must love the Lord above all, even more than he loves his wife. After all, our love as humans is limited and flawed, marred by our sinfulness in so many ways. For a marriage to last a lifetime, the love of Christ must be the binding force. When we receive God’s love, we are changed and we love our wives, children and all others rightly.
Who should improve first?
Now, one may think that for a woman to be a Proverbs 31 wife, she must first have a Proverbs 31 husband or vice versa. The question then that may likely be raised is as such – who should change first to bring about the Proverbs 31 couple?
The truth is, as a follower of Christ, we must always remember that if the Word spoke to us, then God meant for us to be moved by it and not someone else. Therefore, the one to take the first step is the one prompted by God to do so. If you and your husband want to go through it together, that’s excellent! However, remember to decrease expectations from your partner and increase appreciation, no matter where they are in their journey with the Lord. Don’t forget that we have our own paths to walk in, and God’s got us on different preparation timelines!
Focus on how to become a Proverbs 31 wife and let the Lord work on your husband. Just surrender to Him and see how powerful He is to continue and complete His transforming work in each of you.
And there you go! Now we have a Proverbs 31 couple! So, tell me, what other Proverbs 31 traits do you see? Feel free to share with us!
The Fit Stewards 